I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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