VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
