There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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