The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
