I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
