well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
