Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize