and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
