We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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