I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
