5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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