yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
