Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
