She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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