God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
