Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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