the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
