can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
