just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
