Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
