Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
