I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
and she was petting her beer can
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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