i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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