It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
