I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I miss vodka workout Fridays
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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