she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
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