he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
