I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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