You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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