i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
