just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
