You're completely useless in the revolution.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
