He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize