Farmville is her only friend.
I just gift wrapped bread.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
