I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Can Purell be used as lube?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
