I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
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