There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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