Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
