i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
