Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
