It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
