If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize