Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
