Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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