I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The struggles of a small town man whore
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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