Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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