I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Is it because I queefed?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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