speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
