My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
