you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Your penis caused this!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize