My hand turned me down
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
