I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
