JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
