Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
