'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
