wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
