the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
