My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
