If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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