There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
