2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
