ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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