Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
