I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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