hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
