Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
