Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
