How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
