He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
