You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
