its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
