I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
