That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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