Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
