I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
