Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
