1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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